Some live for the moment. Some Wait for the moment

Him

I wish I could say you caught me off guard. Something inside me knew you couldn’t be mine forever. I watched you leave once before but never really thought you’d be gone for good. The memory of you is slowly fading from my every day life. I wake in the morning and your face is not next to mine, I don’t write you letters or dream of our life together… not any more. I’m not sure why you left, you had your reasons and your insecurities, but you must of known how much i loved you. You were foolish to break my heart, and i was foolish to trust you. Although I think of you less and less, my sleeping has brought me nothing but night mares. Haunting vivid images of you, loving me, then leaving me. I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t say that I want to. The boy I once loved is gone, and he left a corps full of selfish intent and heartless actions. As much as you hurt me, I know one thing to be true, Time will heal this. God will heal this, and I will learn to love again.

Artistic ability never got anyone anywhere…. and it certainly doesn’t help with life lessons at ALL! the world puts too much value on being smart; Good grades, high GPA, making a lot of money, being involved, making something of yourself in the world… I once asked a tender heart what he wished for out of life and the reply was simple and beautiful. Not money, not fame, not intelligence, but simply to be happy. I was overcome with a feeling of warmth and contentedness, knowing that i was not alone in my desire to simply feel whole. I was not blessed with the qualities valued in society, but rather given the gift of a beautiful mind and gentle hands. 

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<insert inspirational life message here>

I’m averagely average at being average, meaning that i’m secretly not so average and therefore hiding the fact that i’m possibly something either much more extravagant, or slightly less than average…

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Perfection Per Section

Each moment is a chance to smlie

I’ve wasted so much time just telling myself that it was all worth the trouble, that it was all worth the heart ache, that some how in the end everything would just blossom into a garden of dreams and joy. Perhaps it is a blessing that I am wrong. He called me a learning experience, Is that all i am? perhaps to him…. perhaps to everyone. Some how i have to romanticize that there is someone out there who will view me as more than a learning experience and a stepping stone to a better life after they’ve gotten what they want from me. Could such a person exist? or is that something that doesn’t happen to people until they are in their mid thirties. My heart is a twisted lump of pain, confusion, anger, and bitterness towards charmers. I just want to forget, but at the same time, I’m glad for this “learning experience”. Now i know not to trust people so easily and not give my heart away.

hate being the one left behind, but i have to keep running

Seven Days

Seven days ago, 

I thought my world was dead

The truth stung my lips and cursed my heart

Being ashamed never cured an open wound 

Hoping for love in the face of defiance,

proves to be bitter

seven days ago,

l felt a cold blow to my head

the taste of blood was almost sweet

as i coughed up every drop of my privacy 

alone in my views, with out understanding 

hypocrite, sinner, scoundrel, liar, deceiver, traitor

all of these things, i hear ringing in my ears

my heart stands silent 

seven days ago 

i realized that children grow up

it’s not only their opinion that makes the world shine

perhaps… there is more to life then pleasing

perhaps, we are meant to have a bit of pleasure ourselves

seven days ago, 

they wouldn’t look at me

they couldn’t speak to me

they cried and thought me dead

i’ve never felt more alive.

i’ll never regret what happened 

seven days ago…